Why So Many Older Women Are Just Now Discovering They Have ADHD

With ADHD in older females, symptoms start to show more in their 30s to 50s. There were generations of females who were considered the "lost girls" because they didn't have the same behaviors that boys had in school. ADHD was thought to really only affect boys at first, and girls who were consistently late, had messy desks, or made careless mistakes were just thought to be lazy or not interested enough in school. 

Not only were girls taught to "fit in" socially, but they also learned how to mask their symptoms. But what happens when you get older, and your coping mechanisms start to fade? As many become empty nesters or retire, some of these ADHD symptoms in older adult females start to break through to the surface.

Maybe your lifelong disorganization and forgetfulness were actually undiagnosed ADHD? It's not your fault that you were missed back then. But the good news is that older women with ADHD can get diagnosed now and start to receive the treatment that they should have gotten years ago. Let's take a close look at ADHD in older females and their unique symptoms.

How ADHD Was Missed in Girls Decades Ago

ADHD diagnostic criteria in the 80s and 90s were based on how boys presented with ADHD. Girls' symptoms were often less disruptive than boys and they tended to work harder to try to hide these behaviors to "fit in." They just didn't fit the "stereotype" for ADHD. Intelligence and hyperfocus often allowed girls with ADHD to fall under the radar. Inattentiveness and disorganization were attributed to a personality trait or anxiety.

Intelligence and Hyperfocus

Girls with a high IQ were often overlooked because they made pretty good grades, so their intelligence masked some of the other disruptive symptoms. Parents and teachers often just said that they were messy or even forgetful, but since they didn't have any grade issues, it couldn't be ADHD. 

Inattentiveness and Disorganization

Many girls with ADHD do not have the outward, disruptive, hyperactive behavior, as many of their symptoms are more internalized. Girls were more influenced socially to be more "normal," so any inattentive presentations were overlooked because they were less pronounced than with boys. They might lose their homework and have messy desks, make careless mistakes, or avoid certain schoolwork or household chores. 

Life Changes That Bring ADHD Symptoms to the Surface

Undiagnosed ADHD in older women can start to manifest during menopause and perimenopause. When estrogen drops, it stops being able to help manage dopamine levels, which can bring ADHD symptoms more to the surface.

Many women are now in retirement or no longer have children at home, which takes away the structure that helped them manage symptoms. Insomnia and other side effects of menopause can make ADHD symptoms worse, too, because sleep is interrupted.

Many women in this age range may have grandkids or ageing parents, which can increase demands on executive function, and many struggle to remember, organize, and finish tasks.

What ADHD Actually Looks Like in Older Women

ADHD symptoms in women over 40 look much different than the typical boy bouncing off the walls image that we were once taught. ADHD symptoms in older women look more like forgetting to take medication, leaving the oven on for hours, forgetting your kid's birthday, losing your car keys, and being late at least twice a week. 

Women are more likely to have inattentive-type ADHD, which looks like disorganization, messy rooms, and job-hopping throughout their lives. Recognizing these behavior patterns is the first step to getting help for your symptoms.

Women with undiagnosed ADHD tend to cope by masking and overachieving, but you don't have to do all that once you realize that you have ADHD. Let's take a look at what ADHD in older women is and what their symptoms might look like.

The Everyday Struggles You Might Recognize

ADHD symptoms in women over 40 look different from those in boys and men.

Let's look at some of the everyday situations that can occur in ADHD in older women. You may experience the following:

• Focusing: you may find it hard to focus while reading a book or pay attention during longer conversations.
• Overwhelming clutter: Mess and clutter in your home or workspace can feel overwhelming, so you may decide just to put off cleaning.
• Forgetfulness: You walk into a room only to forget why you went in, and either get distracted by something else or retrace your steps until you remember (hopefully).
• Emails or social media distractions: If you pick up your phone while you're trying to do anything, you wind up on your emails, clicking on 20% off sales, and scrolling through social media.
• Chronically late: Even with alarms, you are always running late.
• Struggling to stay organized: You write everything down on lists, on calendars, and everything has a designated spot, but you still can't seem to stay organized. You miss appointments and forget to pay bills.
• Losing things: You are constantly trying to find your keys, phone, purse, medications, or important documents, even if you have a spot for them; they are never there when you look.
• Simple tasks overwhelm you: folding and putting away laundry, for example, often get put off until the whole house is in chaos.
  
  

The Emotional Side of ADHD in Older Women

There are some emotional ADHD symptoms in older females to recognize. They include the following:

• Trouble regulating emotions: You may not handle your emotions well, quickly becoming angry or tearful when stressed or upset.
• Depression symptoms: You get sad because you are not living up to your standards.
• Anxiety: You have anxiety over certain mistakes that you make or not being able to keep up with work and home demands.
• Low self-esteem: You deal with low self-esteem because of the behavior and emotional issues that you have, and don't really understand why you feel that way.
• Have negative thoughts about yourself: You feel "stupid" or "lazy" because of some of your issues, even though you work much harder to get by than other people you know.
• Sensitivity to criticism: You are quite sensitive to rejection or criticism, even if it is constructive, from your partner or your kids.
• Household chores or simple work tasks lead to a breakdown: Regular everyday chores or tasks can overwhelm you to the point of crying or anger.

These are some common ADHD in older females symptoms that maybe you've been dealing with your whole life, but you think could be caused by untreated ADHD.

How Menopause Makes ADHD Symptoms Worse

ADHD and menopause go hand in hand with very similar presentations. If you are going through menopause, you may just now be figuring out that you have ADHD, as these hormonal changes can make ADHD symptoms worse.

Estrogen helps your body produce dopamine, and a rapid decline in estrogen levels can decrease dopamine levels. If you have ADHD, you may already have lower dopamine levels, so this drop can make symptoms worse.

An ADDitude magazine survey asked if ADHD symptoms got worse with menopause and perimenopause, and 94% of women said yes! That's a staggering amount of ladies in both the treated and untreated ADHD group who noticed a significant symptom increase during that time.

Memory problems and trouble concentrating can increase during menopause. You may find that you can't finish sentences, and you lose your train of thought more often. Then you add ADHD issues on top of that, and you have double trouble.  So if you are experiencing more "brain fog" or frequent forgetfulness, it may be from undiagnosed ADHD, not dementia.

Why Getting Diagnosed Matters at Any Age

Common misconceptions about ADHD include the belief that everyone outgrows it or that a diagnosis is only needed during childhood. These ideas are simply untrue. First, you probably won’t "grow out of ADHD"; some of your symptoms, like hyperactivity, may flow into a different area of your life, but they don't just go away. Getting an ADHD evaluation is very important, no matter what age you are, and the late diagnosis of ADHD in women is fairly common.

Your ADHD symptoms are very real and cause disruptions to your everyday life, and you may have been dealing with these issues for over 20 years or more. Life doesn't get easier just because you get older; every age group has unique issues and symptoms that manifest in their lives. Treatment can drastically improve the quality of your life.

The Real Costs of Living with Undiagnosed ADHD

Untreated ADHD affects your whole life, including your relationships with partners, children, coworkers, and friends. It can cause you to forget important milestones, become overly emotional, and be more reactive.

Untreated ADHD can cause serious issues for older women in their careers. Studies show that adults with ADHD experience 30% more job losses and are three times more likely than others to quit a job on impulse. Because of your symptoms at work, you may find it difficult to be satisfied with your job performance amid constant overwhelm.

What Treatment Can Change for You

Treatment can help with ADHD in older females, and symptoms can be managed successfully. Medication can help with focus, improve organizational skills, and regulate emotions, so you can start to live with less inner chaos. Alongside medication, you can receive therapy, which works to change behaviors and provides you with practical strategies for managing everyday life.

Many women report feeling better after treatment because, all their lives, they have felt different, and now all of these symptoms finally make sense. 

Once you feel more productive and less overwhelmed, you can start to release the burden you have placed on yourself to "do better" or "try harder." With treatment, you can begin to breathe again as symptoms balance out.

Special Challenges Older Women with ADHD Face

As women get older, there are some unique challenges that they may face if they are living with ADHD. These challenges are real and not part of "normal aging." Many times, women with ADHD who are aging figure out that they have ADHD after they have had a child or even a grandchild diagnosed with ADHD, and learn more about it. Let's look at some of the unique challenges that women with ADHD and aging face.

Managing Multiple Medications and Medical Appointments

Living with ADHD in older females, symptoms can be tough. They have doctor's appointments and medications to keep track of, and ADHD can make these activities harder. Focus and memory problems can naturally decline with age, making it challenging to remember which medications to take and when to take them each day. 

If you have difficulty remembering to take your medication, consider using a pill organizer to help keep track of it. You can also set reminders on your phone for when it’s time to take each dose, ensuring you don’t miss any. Use a calendar app or physical day planner to keep track of your appointments. 

Always inform new doctors about your ADHD medication and any other drugs you take to avoid potential negative interactions.

Memory Concerns and Fear of Dementia

Older women with ADHD may have memory loss concerns and a real fear of dementia, especially if it runs in their family. ADHD-related memory problems involve the brain's ability to process and retain new information. ADHD affects working memory, whereas dementia is a progressive decline in the recall of already stored memory. 

Also, with ADHD, you usually can tell you're having forgetfulness, but people with dementia may not realize that they are having any difficulty with their memory.

An older woman with ADHD may mention feeling forgetful and disorganized her entire life, and someone with dementia may say something about not being able to remember directions or forgetting people's birthdays recently. ADHD symptoms will be present since childhood, and dementia will begin in older age.

There are some great lifestyle changes, like exercising and eating healthily, that can help both conditions improve. But it's extremely important to get a professional evaluation if you are experiencing any memory issues, as a proper diagnosis can help you get to the bottom of them.

Social Isolation and Loneliness

Older women with ADHD may sometimes feel isolated or lonely. After retirement, you may not be socializing with people as often as you did when you worked. 

Having ADHD can cause strains on relationships. You may forget to call your friends back or to follow up with them after emails and social media messages. Friends can get hurt over these things even though you don't do it on purpose.

If you feel like you are becoming more isolated and lonely, it can increase feelings of depression and even exacerbate your ADHD symptoms. Everyone needs to have a social network, even if it is a small circle of friends. There are many types of groups and clubs in the community that you could join, like book clubs, women's clubs, or church-related study groups, to keep yourself from getting too lonely.

How to Get Help If You Think You Have ADHD

If you are an older woman who feels like you have undiagnosed ADHD, you should reach out to a clinician for a proper evaluation. Many older women think that providers will not take them seriously, as ADHD used to be considered something that only affects kids.  

However, so much evidence has been brought to light about adults continuing to have ADHD well into older adulthood, that professionals know and understand what you are experiencing is valid. 

Don't be afraid to reach out for help; you have dealt with these issues long enough. It's time to get some help. You no longer need to manage your symptoms by yourself to "fit in"; you can get proper treatment, no matter your age!

Talking to Your Doctor About ADHD

Many women with ADHD who are aging wonder where to go to get a proper evaluation. You could start by talking with your PCP or gynecologist, someone who knows you best. They can point you to a specialist; just ask them for a referral.

It's a good idea to begin writing down your ADHD symptoms, so you have something to reference when you have your evaluation appointment. If possible, bring proof from your childhood, like old report cards or parent-teacher conference documents. If not, maybe ask someone in your family to write a letter explaining how long you have been dealing with certain symptoms.

Thanks to telehealth laws, virtual ADHD evaluations are now available, making it easier than ever to get a formal evaluation. You can connect with a licensed clinician directly from your computer or smartphone and never worry about going to an office; it's all private and discreet from your own home. 

With ADHD Advisor, we provide same-day appointments so you can get answers right away.

What to Expect During an ADHD Evaluation

So what does an ADHD evaluation look like? A licensed clinician will ask you questions about your symptoms from childhood through the present. They may also ask to speak with family members or friends who have known you for a while to get their input. Typically, symptom questionnaires and rating scales are used to determine an ADHD diagnosis.

The evaluation process will rule out other conditions that can mimic ADHD, like dementia, depression, and anxiety. The entire process is thorough but not intimidating; it can usually be completed in one appointment.

Finding Support Beyond Diagnosis

You don't have to live with ADHD alone; there are so many ways to get support from other people. ADHD coaching is a great way to work with someone one-on-one to build practical life skills that can help you manage symptoms. Therapy is another great tool that can help you change your behaviors and support your healing journey.

If you need additional social networks, you can join support groups for women with ADHD, either in-person in your local community or online via Zoom meetings. 

Once you get diagnosed with ADHD, you may want your family to be there to support you. Family education classes can provide them with information to support you during your treatment.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the main symptoms of ADHD in older women?

ADHD in older women usually presents with memory issues, disorganization, forgetfulness, and emotional regulation difficulties.

How does ADHD present differently in older females compared to younger women?

ADHD symptoms in women over 40 usually present as forgetfulness, difficulty managing emotions, and being easily overwhelmed with household tasks. Younger women tend to do a better job at masking their symptoms than older females, and menopause and perimenopause exacerbate ADHD symptoms, making them harder to ignore.

Can menopause make ADHD symptoms worse in older women?

Yes, ADHD and menopause can make older women feel overwhelmed as symptoms are very similar and often overlap.

Why is ADHD often misdiagnosed as dementia in older women?

ADHD is frequently misdiagnosed as dementia in older women because of the memory challenges and burnout they experience.

How to get diagnosed with ADHD as an older woman?

ADHD in older women can be diagnosed by a clinician, either in person or online via telehealth options like ADHD Advisor.

Can ADHD symptoms be confused with anxiety or depression in older women?

Yes, ADHD symptoms in women over 40 can look like anxiety, depression, or even dementia.

Does hormone replacement therapy help ADHD symptoms in older women?

Hormonal replacement therapy can help with ADHD symptoms in older women because it can stabilize the estrogen and progesterone levels, which aids in dopamine production, helping to improve symptoms.

What are the best treatment options for ADHD in older women?

The best treatment options for late-diagnosis ADHD women include:

• Therapy
• Medications
• Lifestyle changes
• Hormone therapy (for menopausal women)

How does ADHD affect memory in older women?

Working memory is affected in older women with ADHD, which includes things like retaining new information, brain fog, and losing items, all of which tend to lead to emotional dysfunction.

What are the long-term effects of undiagnosed ADHD in women?

Some long-term effects of undiagnosed ADHD in older women include:

• A greater risk of anxiety or depression
• Job loss
• Relationship problems
• Overwhelming feeling from daily tasks
• Reduced life expectancy